From the podium

One of the first things I got as a teacher that I thought was a perk was the fashioning and the delivery of a podium to my room. It took seven days for the Engineering department at my school (I call them that because the word maintenance just doesn't seem to cut it for these guys ^_^) to make the podium and about half a day to deliver it. When I received it, I welcomed it warmly; now I didn't have to lug around the textbook while I presented the lesson. I noticed one afternoon that the paint has started to rub off on its lower left corner. I realized that's where I rested my forearm while talking to my students. There you go, instant character!

I was thinking about that and how when at the Teachers' Lounge there was a discussion on student-centered learning. In the olden days, so the conversation goes, the teacher was the font of wisdom. If you wanted to learn it, you asked the teacher or the teacher gave it to you. If the teacher didn't know it, you didn't learn it. He or she had the book, the grades, the knowledge, and the students were there to receive. Now, with the advance of technology, it is the students who have the knowledge in the form of a massive, searchable font of data called the Internet. In some cases the student actually learns effectively from this source. It then has become the teacher's job to supervise this flow of knowledge and to make sure that the students are learning. Now, if you didn't know something, you looked it up--you didn't ask your teacher first.

I remember at first being a little let down by this train of thought. No longer were teachers the respected learning sources they were in the past. But as I walked Kmart today in search of a squeegee for my chalkboard, I realized that it doesn't have to be all bad news. First of all, if the teacher didn't know something, it would be easy for him or her to look it up, too! And what's more, we teachers would be more motivated to do so, improving the flow of communication between the teachers and students. More importantly, I realized that I didn't become a teacher so that I could act as a "font of wisdom". My job is not really about informing students... it's about making students realize the impact of their learning on their lives, and encouraging them to use what they've learned to make their lives better. That's actually more difficult. Most importantly, it dovetails nicely with what I've learned during the assessment and accountability conference. In this shifted paradigm, the teacher's task of assessing his or her students in making sure that learning is occurring is even more important! And since students cannot anymore be expected to have learned the same things in the same way, multiple perspectives assessment becomes more of a priority.

Teaching is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, yet every time I think about it, I feel that this was the positive change in the world I was meant to accomplish. And hopefully, next week, I can do it all with a cleaner chalkboard.

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Led Zeppelin, "Over the Hills and Far Away". First heard as a ringtone on a now-defunct phone owned by a friend.

Two thousand and ten

This is turning into an epic journey.

Selflessness

Today, as I sat down in front of my computer, I had the brilliant idea that I should record a song or two that I've written recently so that I don't forget the lyrics or arrangement so easily. But just as I completed testing my recording equipment (really just my 9-year-old computer running today's Linux and a microphone attachment) I get two requests for help. One was to help build a teapot on a 3d modeling program. The other one was to help edit a piece of fiction. Weighing my options, I asked myself, "Should I work on my stuff first, or should I help the ones who asked for help?"

Needless to say, it is now almost four in the morning, my voice has left me without me ever singing a single word, and I have finished building a kettle and is now starting on editing the story.

I think that right there is cause for a pause. I just can't say no to people. It's a streak that I have lived with since I can remember. Why help yourself when you can be helping someone else? I keep telling myself that I should be more careful in choosing who to help so that I can make sure that I have time for things that are important to me (like homework, my hobbies, etc.). But somehow, when I turn to the things I do for myself, I keep thinking, "Perhaps I can do this later, I'm still going to be around, right?"

Right?

Maybe. Anyway, it was fun to make the teapot, and even though I am a bit sleepy I will attempt to make inroads with the chapter. Perhaps it's the tutor/teacher in me that wants to keep helping.

Thanks for reading. And Happy Mothers' Day to all the mothers.

Song in my head: Jim Jones, Ron Browz, feat. Juelz Santana, "Pop Champagne".

Sucker

Every so often the question comes up and is asked of me: How come you didn't leave Guam for college? The answer is a bit more complex than "Because it would've been cheaper here than anywhere else I would've liked to study."

When I talked to people back in high school and the conversation turned to what the plans for college were. Almost invariably they were to move away somewhere else to study. When I asked why, the replies were varied, but they were along the lines of:

• UOG might not stay accredited.
• There are too many problems here.
• I'm sick of being on this rock.
  
• I wanted to experience life without my parents for a while.

My opinion only, of course, but I suspect that reason #4 could be a hidden agenda backing up the other three.

But I turned my attention to Reason #2: there are too many problems on Guam. I was fortunate enough to have already have some rudimentary understanding of how the world worked by the time our family moved here, and I realized that the problems were indeed numerous. The schools are crowded and the children are being left behind, the local government seems more inclined to keep paying their employees than actually fixing the problems, crime is not addressed correctly, and almost every attempted "solution" to any of these problems has been a band-aid fix instead of a systemic realignment of priorities that would have been much better.

In my opinion, however, the last thing to do would be to leave. Each person who leaves is one less problem-solver or complainer that would be left here. In fact, the very reasons we would like to leave are the very reasons we shouldn't. I felt that I could have a hand in the solution of some of these problems we are facing, and that's why I ended up staying.

So here we are, almost 8 years later, and it's true that I have slacked off quite considerably from my once lofty goal. But the goal still stands. Once I graduate I will become the math teacher my high school teachers and college professors all blame for the lack of mathematics aptitude in Guam school children. And in some unseen small part, I will make a difference.

Song in my head: Nickelback, "Far Away".

A wet guitar

I had the thought that perhaps my grasp on conventional reality is actually a bit less tight than I suspected at first. It always happens that whenever I think that I finally have every aspect of my life figured out and under control, there are always a few areas where I drop the ball, so to speak. The feeling is like checking out nine books from the library and discovering, as you cross the front door to the outside, that you only have space in your hands for seven.

Perhaps it really is a blessing that we do not live forever, no matter how much our bodies yearn to survive for as long as possible. It is the enlightened creature's torment; there is no such thing as turning back to a simpler time, when all you needed were seven books.

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Click Five, "Just the Girl".

Inauspicious

Actually, I don't know for sure whether the title for this post is an actual word, and it seems too trifling to actually open a new browser tab to look up a definition, but that's the best way to describe the end of April.

Now that the song is written, it's like a huge load off my back, and now I end up a little richer than before. It got me thinking that maybe I held on to the feeling so long precisely because I felt that there was a song in there somewhere. ^_^ Then again, I don't think that's true, because I am still a bit imo over the whole thing. Then again, maybe that's because I needed to feel imo every so often to be reminded of how that really feels.

Finally, the Imaginary Friends (I'm shooting for all four) will come together and watch Spinal Tap this weekend. That kind of fell together without much fanfare, either, but so much the better.

I think the best thing for me to do is to write "2010" in bold letters and paste it somewhere in my room, as a reminder of what I should have been focusing on all this time. I already changed all my profile pages to say that I graduate on Spring of 2010, and maybe, just maybe, the finality of that statement will allow me to sharpen my focus and hit the books harder than I have this year.

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Foo Fighters, "My Hero". The Nickelback spell is over. ^_^

Pink castles

I can't believe that it's been three years since the Imaginary Friends last performed on a stage. That number has to be upped somehow. At any rate, things are looking good and I am hoping that this time around will be an improvement. The stuff sounded good in practice.

For those who'd like to get an earful or two of imo, head on over to the grounds at the University of Guam for Charter Day (March 10) between 13:30 and 14:30. You'll see the Imaginary Friends there.

Off to sleep again.

Song in my head: Jennifer Lopez, "Do It Well".

Paper crane folds

I cannot believe that it has been a month since I have posted here. I don't attribute to this my reduced use of the computer; in fact in the last month it has increased. But maybe there hasn't been anything to write about. That isn't true, either; I could've spent dozens of posts solely on what I remember of the last month. So in short, I don't know why I have missed so many days.

I learned how to make a paper crane from a square piece of paper.

Anyway, two things that happened today finally sent me to the notepad. The first one was a clever turn of the phrase that I came up with while I was making IDs for what seemed like eternity. I expounded on smiling at a picture ID thus:

Smiles are like milk: they are sweet, but they turn rancid very easily.

The person who was having her picture taken asked, "Did you come up with that just now?"

At a gathering I attended tonight, I came across a girl I first saw at another party perhaps a year or a year and a half ago. I remembered very little about her save her face and the fact that she couldn't hear. The first time we met there were physical games at the party, so there was very little need to speak.

So tonight as I passed by her, I instinctively waved to her and said "Hi". She did not seem to notice, and I thought nothing more of it as I sampled the food. But I had occasion to pass by her again, and this time I came closer, intending to let her see the hand that I had held up. But this time she took the rest of the steps towards me and encircled me in her arms.

Finally understanding, I did the same and held her close.

The moral to all this is one man's hello is another man's hug. Tonight, I held my deaf friend a lot closer than I would have been comfortable with had it been another person (even a girl) that I knew just as well. But I could have done very little to otherwise show her affection on the level of my normal cordial "Hello" combined with an upraised hand, which she had (I surmise) only a dim inkling of.

It would have worked, but the hug was better.

Perhaps I should save that as a quote as well? ^_^

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Robin Gibb, "Boys Do Fall in Love".

Noodle soup

I haven't been sick in a long time.

Then again, the last time I said that was much, much less than a year ago. Perhaps the correct thing to say is that I am not likely to remember the last time I was sick. That could be a blessing in itself, couldn't it? ^_^

The semester is winding down. It goes by fast when you aren't minding it... or if you're forever trying to catch up.

Oh, well. That's what next semester is for.

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Jordin Sparks, feat. Chris Brown, "No Air".

Automotive jungle

Just came from work, and finally had lunch at the Outlets. To me, then, at least, it is weird to come upon such a packed food court.

I value the stability that having a job (maybe I should say jobs) gives me. Fact is, yesterday I was finally able to buy all my books for all my classes. ^_^ It keeps me busy, so that I don't have to be alone with my thoughts all the time, which historically is not the best thing for me anyway. I truly believe that it's a blessing from God that I'm able to do both the things I love to do and the things I have to do.

The last day to voluntarily withdraw from Colleague was yesterday. That means I'm stuck with these classes!

I'm excited that three of my side projects are nearing completion. Hopefully all goes well. I think I have 13 haiku left to write. So here's to getting things done. In contrast, I haven't walked all week... I have to do something about that. Maybe tonight.

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Kenny Loggins, "For the First Time". I have to play this in front of some discriminating executives. Hope it goes well.

Seventeen syllables, No. 52

"How do you know it
Was real?" Sigh, pause. "Because
It hurt when she left."

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. ^_^

The flow of communication

You know, you would think that I've already learned from my mistakes. Apparently not. I kind of wrote some things that maybe it was not a good idea to say in my email correspondence with one of my dear friends. The question to me was innocent enough: "What about you?" referring to how I am doing romantically.

Maybe I should have just lied and said that I was fine with being single. Maybe. But instead I launched into a tirade that probably should never have happened. I think what I did that day was I complained about the right things but to the wrong person. After all, what power did she have to correct my situation? I should not have relied on her to fix my problems for me. I should always be the one to do that.

So here I am waiting in electronic silence, not really knowing just what effect my words have had on my friend. I hope she sees this and realizes the regret that now accompanies my previous communication. I hope that she understands.

It really shows how little I have learned in the past year. Maybe this year will be better.

In other news, I'm overwhelmed with students at the Stairwell, but I guess that it is favorable that the learning center is seeing a lot of business, not the least in the aspect of my paycheck... ^_^ It will soon need to expand, though... for the sake of all students involved.

Song in my head: James Taylor, "Fire and Rain".

Illuminate the "no"s on their vacancy signs

My room is a mess, but curiously there seems to be more space in it than there was yesterday. In the morning I met up with the other Imaginary Friends, and after a walk on the beach, we kind of regrouped as a band. It was nice to be together, in one piece there, sitting on the sand and trading stories and tunes. (For his part, Jesse recommended me a really good "imo"-message song by DCFC that we can cover, and Elmo helped me with the old-school island jams.)

I think that the biggest thing I have to remedy for this year is the impression people seem to get that I am not willing to be as helpful as it is possible for me to be. I really thought that over the years my personal feeling of responsibility towards the groups the belong to--most importantly my family--has grown in leaps and bounds; however, when I attempt to extrapolate what others think of me, I always seem to fall short. I don't mind being labelled as a "dreamer"--really, I actually like the ring of that. ^_^ But if with it comes the conclusion that "this guy just doesn't care for such and such thing that he belongs to," well, I'm going to have to correct that.

It must be true, then, that ability is not the last thing about an assigned task. It's the follow-through, or the final implementation.

The calendar I bought myself in the beginning of the year is really helping me focus on what needs to be done. I am glad I am getting into the habit of looking in it and writing things down on it. With a (qualitatively) heavy semester ahead of me, I will need every advantage I can muster.

Wish me luck. And in exchange, I wish you luck during the semester.

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Andrew Gold, "Never Let Her Slip Away". Oh, and the title-line reference will be the next entry's headsong. Watch out for it.

Speed test

Sometimes, it's not the speed at which you get things done; it's the actual things themselves that you get done. Today is a classic example of such an axiom: out of the six things I wanted to do today in terms of "errands", I was only able to do 3. Poor planning contributed to the noncompletion of the other three. All I can say is, I have my work cut out for me if I want to succeed in reorganizing.

In better news, it looks like a good semester, and the wind comes into my Plantation bedroom with the crisp coldness that it always greets me with. I don't know how much power consumption I now save by not running my airconditioner (I have lost count, having done it for almost a year now), but I have to say that it's one of the first lifestyle changes I was successful in doing. Now my airconditioner is on as an exception, not as a rule.

I almost cannot wait for the semester to begin. Almost. ^_^

I heard from my Chinese penpal today, via email. I was happy about that, but it entailed poring over the online Chinese Dictionary in order to decode much of what she said. Or maybe that's a good thing? ^_^ All I know is, I'm getting rusty at this! I'll need to practice more.

OK, that's it for me. 謝謝你閱我的網誌!

Song in my head: Yes, "Owner of a Lonely Heart". Now this one really was in my head all weekend!

And before I forget, I'd like to invite you to take a speed test of your own, which was the inspiration for the title, anyway. Are you really getting broadband throughput rates? (No, it's not a scam... ^_^)

The semester I came back

It feels like coming back from a long vacation, and just like in a real vacation, it feels good. ^_^

Today I received a tiny yet momentous hope that I will be able to pass my Calculus class--after three tries. My grades haven't been the best for that class, but from the tests and homework I have been submitting, it seems that I am at least hanging by a moment at a C right now. Additionally I'm feeling really good about the final, even though I wasn't able to answer these two really easy questions there (which I chalked up to the normal test jitters)--I walked out of that testing area looking forward to the next class in the series. I really hope the third time is the charm. ^_^

Today I found out that someone has counted me among her friends. Quite a surprising discovery for me, because lately I've been feeling kind of nothing special. She spilled her guts over some fast food, so the best I could do was to comfort her, saying that I went through almost the same thing. Kind of therapeutic, I should say... for both of us.

Hope tomorrow is also good.

Thanks for reading.

Song in my head: Genesis, "Follow You Follow Me". I can't describe what this song makes me feel. There's an almost spiritual quality to it... whatever it is, it's part of imo.

Seventeen syllables, No. 42

Sesquipedalians
Have internationalized
Me demonstrably.

What about some high-order communications topic?

What about, indeed. If you've got a few minutes, please help a fellow friend out; one of my friends has written a reflection on underlying gender messages in popular fairytales; she invites as many people as possible to give it a read and place a comment. She hopes (as do I) that you be enriched by this endeavor.

http://vee-f.blogspot.com/2007/11/fairytales-not-so-happily-ever-after.html

No, you don't have to leave a name. Yes, it's for a class (hers, not mine ^_^). Any other questions? Go on over to her blog and ask her yourself.

Thanks for reading. Now, what are you waiting for!? Go on, I won't be upset. Not too much.

Straightedge

I don't consider not being an alcoholically-inclined party animal a bad thing.

Today a whole cadre of my comrades from the old Collective got together for the birthday of the Fabulous One. An impressive array of us was in attendance, including some people I was surprised to see there. Naturally, Freshwater masterminded the beverages (as is the custom of Stud Life and hereafter) and a majority of them were alcoholic. I showed my face, joined in the laughing loudness for a short time, and then Jesse, Gogo, and I headed for Kmart.

Sure, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to imbibe on the level that my friends do. But I guess I enjoy driving around much much more. ^_^

One of the tutors at the Stairwell is taking a two-week leave, which means I am looking good to replace him for his hours on Saturdays. If I take them all, that'd be eight more hours of work (and pay) I can get. But now I come upon a conflict that I never thought would ever happen--my work conflicting with my school. You see, I signed up to present during the Language Arts Conference next Saturday, and yet only an hour later I would have to go to the Stairwell to do my replacement shift.

At least I have a week to agonize over it. My growing pile of homework has to be done immediately. ^_^

Thanks for reading, and see you later.

Song in my head: Michael Buble, "Home".

P.S. I hope you would get to see this to fruition--I am posting this message from my shiny new Windows Live Writer gadget. OK, here goes nothing...

Through-composed

It's official, and every moment that passes it's getting more and more official. I will not be able to return for another semester at the Writing Gym. Why I won't be able to return is a matter I would rather not discuss here, but suffice it to say that I have served it as best and as loyally I could.

The things that started in Chapter Five are coming to an end alarmingly quickly, actually. As far as I can tell, there is no more Stud Life. There is also no more Bohemia, and the Bohemians have now sought shelter elsewhere, with varying degrees of success, of course. I have two or three side-projects that are finally seeing the first tentative light of day: Planet Run, God/Man, and some odds and ends here and there, including a portion of a short story. Even the debt I incurred Colleague seems to be manageably sifting away... because of my Collective check I was able to pay off a huge chunk of it. I think I'll be able to turn the page pretty soon... but I don't think I've anticipated Chapter Six quite as well as I did this one.

What do you do when you have a serious problem that's rending you into pieces, and the only people you can talk to about it are the ones who rent you in the first place? "Something bothering you?" What do I say? That's why I've said "No."

If all this life, together with the drama, were composed (and choreographed and scored) all in one go, I'd like to have a word with the Director.

Song in my head: Cora Corman and Alex Fletcher, "Way Back into Love".

The small hours

This week I'm venturing into the small hours again.

I spent every other night of last week awake, without a single drop of sleep while the Sun lurked under the horizon. And today I'm doing it again, this after having been amply reminded of the effects of staying up all night. It was just this last Saturday that I woke up at maybe 8:30 am with an intense throbbing pain in my eyes that wouldn't go away for such amount of time as to almost make me nervous. It was a weird pain: it felt as if my left eye were forcibly jammed into the back of my eye socket and was stuck there, immobilized. Not a pleasant experience... but then again it was an experience that I've never felt before. Never in my earlier exploits with foregoing sleep in years past have I felt that particular pain. I conjecture now that the pain came from my eye muscles which were forced to work overtime that night.

At this point I would counter to myself, "Hey, cut me some slack! I had some things to do." But actually, that's not an issue anymore after maybe about 4:30 am. Because at about that time, if you aren't yet sleeping, that's what you need to be doing. ^_^

I had finally caved in and agreed to teach someone how to play piano. She seems definitely interested, and I am too (I'm really wondering whether I can find a replacement pianist or whether I would earn much money in the process), but the books are yet to get here. I'll have to scrounge around for some books that I used to play from when I was learning piano myself.

I'm going to try and get some sleep now, seeing a how my field of vision is starting to swim slightly, and the edges of my laptop screen start to throb. ^_^

Song in my head: Cyndi Lauper, "Time After Time".
Currently reading: Soseki, The Miner. Partly to enjoy the story, and partly to see whether I should voluntarily withdraw from my Modern Japanese Novel class...